A Journey by Air

There is nothing like taking a trip by plane to make one feel relaxed, happy, and comfortable. While that may be true for the CEO’s and other higher ups of the world the rest of us are stuck with what I like to call “sardine class.”

Here are some of the many joys and opportunities that await the average traveler:

• Depending upon the airport that you are flying from and the time of day you will need to get to the airport at least 1 1/2 to 3 hours before your flight departs. This is so you have enough time to negotiate the many lines you will have to stand in: checking in, checking baggage, getting the baggage to security, going through security, and getting some bottled something to drink on the plane.
• Unless you want to pay a bundle for your baggage you have to carry as little as possible. I didn’t realize how quickly I could get over the 50 pound weight limit. However, after I weighed my luggage bag I discovered my problem -- empty it weighs almost 20 pounds! A note to the wise: check out how much the luggage weighs before you purchase it. I had to replace all my pre 9-11 stuff.
• Unless you are a small child or an anorexic person do not expect to sit in a seat that is big enough for you. Window seats are good for short flights, but not so good when you need to use the restroom -- especially if you don’t know the other people in your isle. Isle seats are great for getting up when you want, but the under seat storage is always the smallest of all the seats on the row. Avoid the middle seat at all costs unless you are traveling with small friends. I call it the “dreaded middle seat.” Oh, if you are sitting on the isle be sure to keep your head low and your shoulder well inside the seat when the plane is loading and people are passing. If not, expect to get bruised and battered by everyone who passes by.
• As I [try] to write this the guy in the seat in front of me has his seat leaned back to what is, to him, a very comfortable position. Unfortunately I feel like his head is in my lap and my tray table is totally useless. I’m having to write this by hand as there is absolutely no way I could get my computer out and use it.
• Plan ahead! I pack food and purchase water and other beverages BEFORE getting on the plane. Most airlines charge for EVERYTHING now. The flight I’m on now even charges for water and coffee. They want $7 for “breakfast” and $5 for a “snack”. Of course, if I had doubled the cost of my ticket I could have flown first class and gotten free beverages and even a free snack (oh boy!). Heck, I probably wouldn't have this crick in my neck from trying to write this either! Food ideas: cereal in a bag - just bring a spoon and purchase milk in the secure area, sandwiches - be sure to get the little packets for the condiments that you want to use (security will consider them a liquid or jell) and then add them after you gotten through security.
• Speaking of security: be very, very nice to these people because they can make your life very, very miserable. A word to the wise: if you get pulled aside for one of those extra security pat-downs do EVERYTHING they tell you and don’t move unless they tell you (especially when they have you standing in the spread-eagle position!).
• Watch out for air pressure changes when you are up in the plane. I had a nice liquid ink pen that I’ve carried for years. I pulled it out in anticipation of using it to write this since I have so little room to work. Unfortunately the cap was keeping the pressure in the pen. When I removed the cap and the air pressure dropped the ink exploded out of the pen. Oh well, I didn’t like this sweater top I’m wearing anyway. A word to the wise: liquid ink highlighter pens have the same problem as well as full bottles of hand cleaner or hand lotion.

Well, that’s enough for this installment. Perhaps my return flight at the end of the week will inspire a second edition.

Happy travels!