Stress Buster

I've spent this week working on two writing jobs and I must admit that my creative index is a little low at the moment. I was starting to stress out about what I was going to post this week - and after talking about stress last week I should have read my own advice. But then what do I find in my e-mail in-box but this wonderful gem that I'm going to use for my post this week.

The English language can be tough for non-English speakers to learn. It can be tough for native speakers too since there are so many sound-alike words that have different meanings. This e-mail takes a humorous look at some of them. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did (I just love these kinds of word play). Thanks Carla!

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , and resulted in linoleum blownapart.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.